Monday, November 3, 2008

Day 77 on Lexapro.

Day 55 on Lamictal.

posted much, much later…

This morning, when Em and I got up at 5:30am (because we are used to getting up at 6:30am), she had some yogurt and asked if she could draw some pictures. I agreed and brought out the crayon drawer and a few sheets of cardstock.

She delightedly set to work.

“This one is for Grandma Pat,” she said, pointing to a lovely mangle of colored loops.

“It’s very pretty. I think she’ll like it very much.”

“Put her name on it so we know it’s hers,” she directed.

So I did.

A few minutes later, she completed another drawing.

“This one is for Uncle Terry,” she said as she watched me carefully write his name at the top.

“Okay, now we will remember that one is his.”

“Good. Now I will make one for Kim.”

“Oh, she will really like that,” I assured her.

When she finished Kim’s drawing, she made three more: one for Janell, one for Anita, and one for Jennifer Black.

“And now I will make one for Uncle Reg,” she announced enthusiastically.

“Oh. Em. Remember…Uncle Reg passed away. He’s not here anymore. He is up with Jesus now.”

“But I am going to make a picture for him.”

“Okay.”

After several minutes of coloring quietly, she broke the silence.

“Do you miss Uncle Reg?” She asked, never looking up from her work.

“I do,” I told her. “He was a very good person.”

“Yes. I miss Sam, too.”

Sam was my parent’s dog who had been hit by a car the same week Reg had passed away.

“You know, Sam, the dog,” she went on. “He went bye bye too. He’s up in heaven now. You know. Heaven. With Jesus, too.”

“Yes, he is, too.”

This morning, as she sat coloring, I wondered if she understood even a little bit about having to say goodbye forever…and how people sometimes pass away and other times they don’t go anywhere but we have to pretend like they never existed.

Just to make it through the day.