Friday, October 24, 2008

Day 74 on Lexapro.

Day 52 on Lamictal.

posted a month later…

This entire week, my mother has been very concerned about Em’s first few days at school.

I think the line about the banana peeling was particularly upsetting to her.

“I’ve never heard that one,” she said on Monday when I first told her over the phone.

But as the week went on, I noticed great interaction between Em and the other children on the playground. As a result, my own worries subsided. What is even more relieving is that I’m not sure Em’s worries ever surfaced.

And so, the subject was kind of forgotten. Except by my mother. She had been trying to call all week to try to find out what had been going on at school.

This night, I finally got a chance to tell her.

“Everything is fine,” I said when she called on the phone. “Em is doing well. She still has some kinks to work out, but I think it would be better if she figures those out on her own.”

“But I just want her to be happy,” my mother replied worriedly.

I want her to be happy, too.

My feeling about this, though, is that she needs to learn to socialize. Throughout her life, she will be faced with uncomfortable social situations. At some point, she is going to be faced with something that she cannot turn away from. And she will have no choice but to deal with it.

If I take her out of every situation that is potentially uncomfortable, then it would be the same as me depriving her of learning how to become comfortable in almost any social turn.  It is important to me that she learns to be assertive and confident in the presence of other children her age.

I feel that if she hangs around long enough, she will figure out what works best for her to make this happen. Everyone is different and relates to others in their own unique way. I want to give Em the opportunity to learn what method is best for her and have plenty of opportunities to put it into practice.

“But I’m shy,” she has told me all week, giggling madly.

“Well, I understand being shy at fist, but if you want to make friends you have to jump in there with the other kids.”

“Nope,” she would reply. “I am just too shy.”

I didn’t like her saying she was shy because it sounded like an excuse. I didn’t want her to hide behind shyness as a reason not to do things. And so, I told her she had to take responsibility for herself.

“Em has to take responsibility for Em. Em has to take responsibility for Em,” she has walked around all week chanting.

“Yes,” I told her. “I will be here to help you along the way, but learning to make friends and getting along with others is important. And it is something I know you can do.”

The happiness I want for Em is the kind that is long term. Protecting her from sadness now will potentially deprive her of happiness in the future.

And that is not what I want for her at all.