Sunday, September 14, 2008

Day 34 on Lexapro.

Day 11 on Lamictal.

written ?? days later.

posted a long time later.

This day, I began to realize that the evacuation was turning into more of a vacation. A sorely needed vacation. First, I slept until 11am. It had been so long since I had done that and it was a delicious feeling.

Then, when my parents suggested hopping into the car and heading down the street to Fort Richardson, I agreed. I had been wanting to take my camera over there anyway.

As we walked along the grounds, I asked Em if she knew her middle name.

She said she did.

“Well, what is it?” I prompted.

“Cafferin.”

“Yes,” I said. “Would you like to see the house of the lady you were named after? My aunt Kathryn?”

She said she did, so we walked over to the edge of the fort where Aunt Kay’s old house sat. It was no longer white. Someone had painted it all brown. Even the air conditioner. Sad how things change. She was gone.

But now Em was here.

And she was seeing the same things I’d seen as a child. Exploring the same ruins…marveling at the same big buildings.

It was a neat thing for me to see.

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Later this evening we went to my cousin’s house where we enjoyed playing outdoors. Em had her first fishing experience and caught four fish with a Barbie fishing pole. She delighted in touching the fish and helping carry the worms, which she thought were “so soft and cute.” Of course, this attitude delighted me. I don’t like her to be afraid of things she doesn’t need to be.

After a dinner of grilled fajitas and sweet tea, I took the four wheeler for a ride around the property. There are few things I love more than riding fast and free with nothing and nobody to hold me back. As the wind whipped in my face, I cackled with delight. The breeze was cool. The air was quiet. The sun was setting. At that moment, everything was right.

When I returned to the rest of the group, Em and I walked off and climbed into a hammock together. As we lay there, swinging softly from side to side, I held her in my arms and thought how wonderful it was to be fully present for her again. And then, my heart was so very full.

Later, Em and I walked around in the dark, trying to find the fireflies that had eluded us so many nights before.

That night, we didn’t find any either.

But it didn’t matter.

She put her hand in mine and we went inside the house, where we managed to stick to our bedtime routine.

Even from far away, things were getting so much easier.