From: MJ
To: Lori Brown
Sent: Wednesday, September 10, 2008 9:14:42 AM
Subject: proud

at last, i think you’re seeing the light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. this latest blog was so inspiring. and you have made an inspiring discovery – you can protect yourself from some people, without blocking out the whole world – how did you do that? most people put up a brick wall for protection, but they keep out the good people as well as the bad. somehow, you manage to put up a brick wall, only when you need one, to keep the bad influences away. and then you let it down to let the good people in!

Go Lori!!

mj

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From: Lori Brown
To: MJ
Sent: Wednesday, September 10, 2008 9:51 AM
Subject: Re: proud

Thanks, MJ!

I always knew there was a light — this time. Because I have been through it before…when it was much worse. And I made it through that time. So I knew for sure I would make it through this time. In comparison, this is small potatoes! But the journey is still hard. And I feel like it is extremely important to be as honest as possible about it. Because other people who are going through similar things (who may not have already had the luxury of successfully getting through a major breakdown) may not see the possibility of a light at the end of the tunnel. So, I want to show them that it’s possible. But, they need to see that it’s not easy for anyone. They need to see that sometimes I have bad days…sometimes when it seems impossible, sometimes when the physical stuff comes back, sometimes when my thoughts get scary again — in the middle of the days where I’m doing much better. When people see that others are going through what they’re going through, it gives them courage to keep going, too. Yes, the recovery process can be long…but as long as you keep moving in a forward direction, it is recovery.

I will continue to add the stories from my past. I know they are difficult to read, but I feel like they offer the most hope. Because that was then. Look how far I’ve come! And at some point, somebody will read those stories and be going through something similar. These are the people who I write them for. Because it’s always easier to believe someone when they’ve been where you’ve been. I know, because that is what helped me most when I first started getting better. One of the worst things about this kind of illness is that getting better seems just impossible. As a result, far too many people never do. So, those of us who know the possibilities from personal experience should be open so others will know. No, it is not easy, but it is possible.

And please know when I write the stories from my past, I am not depressed. I am not back in that place. I am writing them because I think they will help. And when I write them, I am liberated. I am free. They are not dirty secrets anymore. They are just part of my journey. And I wouldn’t change my journey for anything — it has made me who I am today — and I like who I am today — bipolar and fabulous and the whole nine yards.

When I was little, I felt like God had a really important plan for me. For years it ate away at me because I didn’t know what it was. I really thought maybe I was supposed to be a famous comedienne. But no, that wasn’t it. Now I know. He didn’t make me bipolar and give me the skills of communication for no reason.

This is a way I can help.

I will get through. And I hope reading about that will help others get through, too.

I love you madly,

Lori

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From: MJ
To: Lori Brown
Sent: Wednesday, September 10, 2008 3:21:47 PM
Subject: Re: proud

Thank you for writing me my own personal Lori blog. that helps a lot! the fact you are helping people is all i need to know!

by the way, you are a famous comedienne – i’m your #1 fan!!!!!

mj