Friday, September 5, 2008

Day 25 on Lexapro.

Day 2 on Lamactil.

written four days later.

To sufficiently update, I will report that I have not been sick to my stomach before leaving for work for a very long time now. That is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

I will also report that I am starting to thoroughly enjoy my job again. When I was sick, I found myself bored and agitated with everything. I am thrilled that balancing out is helping me to see the reality of the situation again. I love my job. I love that I get to help people. My boss is great and I hope that I stick around for a very long time.

This day my boss mentioned that he will be helping head a new program at our church called Celebrate Recovery. He has talked about it so many times that I wondered if he was hinting that he wanted me to volunteer. I know that he wants me to participate, but he also started talking about leaders rising from the group and taking on new responsibilities. When he first started talking about it, I didn’t want to go. But on this day I told him that I would be willing to step forward as a leader for those with mental health struggles. He was pleased.

Of course, I am looking forward to learning more about the program and seeing if it is really something in which I want to become ensconced. From what I hear, it sounds wonderful. It functions as a worship recovery group for people with many different types of struggles: addiction, divorce, mental health, etc. I think if someone comes to the group with a need to get help, they are welcome. No matter what that need is. Maybe this will be a way that I can give back and continue to grow in my own faith and recovery. As I said, I look forward to seeing what possibilities it may hold.

This afternoon was also significant as I managed to accomplish many things that had been difficult. First, I cleaned out my email because it was crowded with junk. Then, I checked my actual mail for the first time in a month. My, that little box was full. When I am sick and overwhelmed, simple tasks like going through the mail paralyze me. They are overwhelming. What if there is something in there I can’t handle? What if I somehow accumulated a $600 bill without knowing it? The mail can be a scary thing.

Then, when I came home, I set about the task of rearranging Em’s room. It was my goal to remove all of the clothes that were too small for her and replace them with the clothes we had gathered the night before. The most fun thing that came of all this is that she now has a little dressing area in her closet. Recently, she has amassed quite a collection of costumes. And we found a mirror with her name at the garage sale. So, I moved around the things in her room so she could play dress-up in the mirror. She absolutely loves it.

Another goal I had set was to update Em’s wardrobe and ensure that she had decent clothes that fit properly. As of this day we have made big headway in this process, and that is another thing for which I am so grateful.

This night for dinner we had a delicious shrimp casserole prepared by another of my lovely soprano friends. It was greatly appreciated – thank you to her!!

As for the bedtime routine, it is moving along. This night wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t horrible either. I think we will just have to do the best as we can…especially as we struggle to get a foothold on our way back to reality. Some days will inevitably be better than others. The only thing we can really do is wake up the next morning and try, try again.