Sunday, August 31, 2008

Day 20 on Lexapro.

11:18 pm

Today got off to a difficult start. I just did not feel well. I woke with the same headache I had when I went to sleep last night. And my body was exhausted. I could not figure out why. I wondered if forgetting to take my medication had made me feel ill. Or if not having Diet Coke for an entire day had me feeling down. Or if possibly the panic attacks I experienced on Friday had done in my body once more. Maybe it was a combination of everything.

I spent the morning trying to pick up as much as I could, as I had a feeling I might receive visitors in the afternoon. And I also laid down quite a bit. My body was tired and my eyes hurt. After a short nap, I woke feeling better, though still a little sluggish.

Then the call came I had somewhat expected. It was K. Paige, my best friend since the fourth grade and fellow choir member, wondering if I was up to receiving some visitors. She and her mother had some things they wanted to bring me. Of course, I encouraged them to stop by. In the same breath, I encouraged them not to pay attention to my filthy home or filthy appearance.

“Em is clean and her room is clean. That is all I can promise at this time,” I said.

She assured me she wasn’t worried about the house or my appearance and promised they wouldn’t stay long if it became too much for me. Within the hour, they arrived on my doorstep with tons of groceries, including the Diet Cokes I had been craving.

They also brought a pot pie and meatloaf from one of my beloved sopranos. I was thrilled. I couldn’t wait to put the pot pie in the oven. It is one of my very favorite meals. On the foil on top of the pie, the maker had written a little note: “Lori, please don’t laugh at me. I am not good with pie crusts.” I thought this was the most adorable thing ever. I will be the first to say I never judge anyone on how their pie crust looks, especially when they make it just for me. I might be more critical as to how it tastes, but in that case, she has no worries. It was absolutely delicious. Even Em said as we sat at the dinner table tonight, “Mom, your favorite part is the crust. My favorite part is the vegetables. These green beans are so tasty!”

After our visitors left, I was thrilled to find I had more energy. It made me feel great that so many wonderful people had been thinking of us and had been willing to lend a helping hand. I really hadn’t expected any of it. In my mind, being bipolar isn’t a condition that warrants a pot of chicken soup. But, because I am so tired, I really am grateful for all of the help and well wishes we have received. I know that if any of my friends were in the same predicament, I would be happy to lend a helping hand as well.

And so, the weekend ends and not as much got done as I had hoped. It went a bit too quickly for my taste, as it almost always does. That is a good sign, though, as previous post-breakdown weekends have gone so slowly. This weekend I didn’t feel well physically, but I still enjoyed the time I had off and the time I spent with Em.

Em and I are doing well with the bedtime routine. Every night since that’s been our goal, we have had successful dinner-eating, room-cleaning, bath-taking, hair-and-teeth-brushing, book-reading, prayer-saying times. I would like to get it honed down to a more specific time frame and I will focus on that in the next couple of days. But I am pleased with our improvement in this area. I need to sit and think tomorrow of some other ways I’d like to get back on track in the coming week. Things are getting easier and I am eternally grateful.