Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Day 16 on Lexapro.

written two days later.

Well, where to start?

This day was significant for two reasons.

The first reason is because I started implementing some of the old routines with Em. And it really made a difference. My first goal was to reinstate bedtime rituals. I wanted her to get out of the habit of sleeping with me, which is something she has been doing for several weeks now. It started not because she could not sleep alone, but because I did not want to sleep alone. Some nights she would go to sleep at the same time I did…other nights I would get her out of bed and pull her in with me. My nighttime anxiety had become unbearable.

I just didn’t want to be by myself.

It got to the point, though, where she would cry in the mornings if she realized I had not come to get her…or she would cry at night if she had to go to bed alone. She started to say she was afraid of the dark and, eventually, she was staying up much too late.

All of the things I didn’t want.

So, this day, after she ate dinner, I gave her a shower and let her help brush her teeth. I commended her on what a big girl I thought she was. Then, we brushed her hair and I told her she was going to sleep in her room. Much to my surprise, she put forth little complaint. This day, we read four books instead of three. And then we said our prayers and she went to sleep.

And it was so easy.

As a result of her early bedtime, I had more energy to pick up around the house. I even got most of the laundry done. I also had time to sit down and collect my thoughts. I wasn’t so frantic when my head hit the pillow. A little time to relax is a good thing for any mommie, post-breakdown or not.

The second significant thing that happened this day is that I was outed as bipolar to my church choir. Yes, I was. And I really must say it seemed like a good idea at the time.

At the time.

You see, my best friend since the fourth grade is also a devoted member of aforementioned choir. She is my best friend for many reasons. I love her dearly. She loves me, too. And I know she was worried about me…and she told me a lot of other people were concerned as they hadn’t seen me in a long time. I rarely miss church choir.

They are like my family.

Anyway, she thought that giving them a bit of my history and a heads-up as to why I wasn’t there was a good idea. She thought the love and support…and possibly casseroles…I would receive from them would be just what I needed. And I didn’t disagree. And because I’m fairly open about my condition and didn’t want people to worry needlessly, I gave her permission to tell them.

So she did.

And she said that everyone responded positively and supportively and that I have no idea how much I am loved…that food and notes should be on their way soon. But, because I am a little behind on my blog-writing, I will say that two days have passed and I have yet to hear from anyone. There was word that the covered dishes might be held up due to the organizer being out of town.

Which is understandable…but I was really looking forward to a good Methodist casserole or two to cure my Southern ills.

And part of me can’t help but worry that since I haven’t heard from anyone, maybe I shouldn’t have agreed to be outed as bipolar after all.

But, I shouldn’t say that either…because even though I haven’t heard from them…I bet there are lots of prayers being said for me…and that can’t hurt…on this day, or any other.

**At this time, I will say that my goal for myself and Em is to continue with the bedtime routine throughout next week. Then I will add another goal to help get our lives back on track.